Shaking off the AWP hangover
Gratitude and reflections on the Association of Writers & Writing Programs Conference in Kansas City
It’s hard to believe it’s already been a week since I returned from AWP 2024, which took place in Kansas City, Missouri this year. This conference was an absolute dream— I feel so grateful to have been in community with so many fellow writers, especially trans and disabled writers. I was a whirlwind of activity all weekend: attending panels, getting books signed by some favorite writers, going to offsite readings at bars, buying far too many books at the book fair (my carryon bag grew three sizes that day). I somehow fit all that in around my main responsibility, volunteering at the new words {press} table to sell journals, model merch, and generally spread the word about the mission of this beautiful trans and gender-expansive poetry journal. What a treat it was to finally meet the inimitable brooklyn baggett (founding editor) in person, as well as Marian Bayker, the other volunteer. new words {press} is currently open for submissions—always free, paying market—for anyone interested. Consider buying a journal, muscle tank, or sticker too.
A quick shoutout to a few of the many cool events, panels, and interactions I experienced at AWP:
“F/Lawless: Writing Queer Sex,” a panel with Annie Liontas, Lydia Conklin, Melissa Febos, Asali Solomon, and Jeanne Thornton. That lineup alone had me completely sold. The panelists talked about honoring queer love as a charged political act, reimagining sex outside the heterosexual scripts, and challenging self-censorship. Annie Liontas was kind enough to sign my copy of Sex with a Brain Injury afterwards (more on that excellent book below).
Sonya Huber’s book signing at University of Nebraska Press, where I bought a copy of her craft book Voice First and got my copy of Pain Woman Takes Your Keys signed. I think I said something silly like “Pain Woman changed my brain chemistry,” and we had a lovely genuine conversation about the writing life with chronic illness.
“Queer Lightning,” a “lightning round” of short readings across genres, featuring Wo Chan, Sarah Thankam Matthews, Emma Copley Eisenberg, Melissa Febos, Temim Fruchter, Donika Kelly, Annie Liontas, Greg Mania, and Denne Michelle Norris. This reading took place at a gay bar called Missie B’s, which was a particular joy because I have to drive at least forty miles to get to a gay bar at home.
“Writing Trans Sex,” an outstanding panel with the trans writers AE Osworth, Aureleo Sans, Meredith Talusan, Denne Michelle Norris, and Megan Milks. This was probably my favorite panel I attended all weekend, which was a shocker because it was mostly about fiction writing. I loved what these writers had to say about the trans experience of trying to name what has no name, the blending of interiority and physicality, and the way both vulnerability and performance are baked into sex.
Running into my dear friend Ira, completely out of the blue! I hadn’t seen them since we both left Vermont to pursue our MFAs. They’re an excellent poet writing over at the dream VCR.
“(Trans)cend: Trans Poetics in the Age of Anti-transness,” a panel with K. Iver, Kay E. Bancroft, Evelyn Berry, SG Huerta, and KB Brookins. (I retrospectively see a theme emerging in the events I chose to attend.) These five phenomenal trans poets talked about poetics as political resistance, finding a place outside traditional literary institutions, and writing against the cis ideas of trans grief and trans joy. Being in a room with so many like-minded people is an experience I’ll be holding onto for a long time.
Overall, I feel so lucky that I got to have this experience. Kansas City was unexpectedly adorable, everyone I met was so kind, and being surrounded by likeminded writers is such a precious gift.
Writing and publishing news
I feel incredibly grateful to share that I will be attending my first writing retreat next month at the Sundress Academy for the Arts in Tennessee! This will be their annual Retreat for Survival and Healing, consisting of workshops, writing exercises, and discussions led and attended by fellow survivors. The Sundress team were kind enough to offer me a full scholarship, which feels completely surreal. I am really looking forward to this time for rejuvenation, community, and creation.
Otherwise, I have mostly been working on new poems for my workshop. This includes a couple concussion poems, which is a topic I haven’t explored much in writing before. One of my biggest goals for this semester is to write a long poem, comprising two or more pages.
Reading, watching, listening
Books
Chain-Gang All-Stars by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah. This book is so horrific it feels wrong to call it a "page-turner," but it's nearly impossible to put down. Chain-Gang All-Stars follows death row prisoners who have joined the experimental CAPE program, thus competing in a series of televised death matches. Three years of survival means freedom. The narrative focuses on Loretta, a few weeks away from becoming Freed, and Hamara, her lover competing on the same Chain. But its scope is much wider, giving the perspectives of the producers, sportscasters, protesters, and other prisoners who all revolve around the cruel sport. Adjei-Brenyah is a master of nuance: the competitors are murderers and rapists, but I never felt tempted to dismiss their humanity, and was rooting for their survival even when it was impossible. His innovative use of footnotes to provide statistics about the real-life "justice" system made the read all the more sickening, as I realized this dystopian world isn't far off from our own.
Sex with a Brain Injury: On Concussion and Recovery by Annie Liontas. Much like the author, I experienced multiple traumatic brain injuries within the space of a year. I have never seen my experience portrayed with so much authenticity, nuance, wisdom, and compassion. This collection of essays focuses on Annie Liontas' concussion recovery, but she plays loosely with form and technique. I learned so much about the "walking wounded" sufferers of TBI—football players, DV survivors, historical figures like Lincoln and Tubman—but I never felt like I was getting a lecture. Liontas also has a breathtaking, lyrical prose styling. The standout essay was "Professor X & the Trauma Justice League," which is co-written by Marchell Taylor, a formerly incarcerated TBI sufferer now working to help other incarcerated people with concussions.
Pain Woman Takes Your Keys, And Other Essays from a Nervous System by Sonya Huber. It's hard to put into words how profoundly this collection resonated with me. I have never read any text about chronic illness that made me feel as seen and understood as Sonya Huber did from the very first essay. I wanted to underline nearly every page in the book. Huber portrays the experience of chronic pain so authentically: the fluctuations that track changes in barometric pressure, the frustrations with the one-to-ten pain scale, the self-flagellating shame about one's productivity. She explores a fascinating range of styles in these essays, from the more straightforwardly memoiristic to the experimental. The way she describes illness and creates metaphors for pain is so poetic. My favorite essay was "The Cough Drop and the Puzzle of Modernity." I will be thinking about this book for a long, long time.
Movies & TV
Anatomy of a Fall by Justine Triet. This film defies genre— a crime thriller, a courtroom drama, a quiet interpersonal narrative— without feeling disjointed. The script is nearly perfect, so the 2.5 hour runtime doesn’t feel like its length. Sandra Hüller acted the hell out of her role and completely carried the film.
Couple to Throuple on Peacock. Trashy reality TV will always be my guilty pleasure, and the premise of this one had me SEATED: couples looking to explore polyamory with a group of hot singles. Unfortunately, for a show about throuples, this one somehow manages to be heteronormative at every turn. I simply don’t need 3/4 of the main couples to feature a straight guy, but I’ll probably watch the rest anyway.
American Fiction by Cord Jefferson. This movie had me laughing all the way through it, and the comedy was punctuated with some hard-hitting emotional beats. Great performances across the board, although I wanted to see more of Tracee Ellis Ross’s character.
Songs
“syrup” by Beeson. Beeson is an understated indie singer-songwriter who deserves so much more recognition. Her music captures so many angles of the female experience: vulnerability, rawness, sensuality, and the desire for power.
“Weird” by Hana Eid. The wordy-angsty songwriting of this indie rock musician speaks to me on a molecular level. This song has a killer drumbeat and heartfelt confessional lyrics. Hana Eid is one of those cases where I realize she’s younger than me and then wonder what I’m doing with my life.
“Caesar on a TV Screen” by The Last Dinner Party. This song deals with exploring one’s gender identity and the anxieties that can come along with that exploration. The progressions in the lyrics of each verse feel like a magic trick or sleight of hand.
The physical burnout has been so real after AWP, and I feel lucky that I’ve been able to spend that time reading and creating— when I’m not catching up on all the MFA-related work I pushed back for my travels.